Small Manual to Grief
I've made my peace with bad news, actually, I'm very Stoic most of the time; I can handle them.
It gets overwhelming when sympathy pours my way, it's a bit difficult to swallow when I see the sadness I always confuse with pity in the eyes of others.
It's not as painful when everything feels normal, without what my brain translated to over-caring. I wish you'd know, how terrible everything feels every time you call to check on me primarily because of curveballs the universe just threw at me, every single time you're dispensing hopes and prayers.
Can we just pretend that everything is okay?
Please, I beg of you don't mention the tragedy that has befallen me, I ask you to keep quiet because every time it is mentioned, my heart sinks a little bit, my eyes go teary and in all honesty, I have no idea how to respond.
The over-pouring love, I know you mean well but deep down it is terrifying, I feel like my tragedy is bigger when I see the compassionate face you're wearing specifically for me.
I wish, I really wish I could write an all encompassing manual on how to deal with grief and misfortunes, but we react different and there's never one size fits all but here's mine, presented before you.
I ask for space, for I need to think and come to terms with my bad luck, I ask for minimal or no mention of thorny paths life is taking me through, for it's a reminder of this painful experience; I ask for no one to be emotional about it, for I need to be objective to deal with it.
I appreciate the extra serving of love, I appreciate the care but I don't do well with that extra. I know none of you wouldn't want to dig my grave deeper so I ask of you, to be as normal as humanly possible for that is the only way, my healing journey will be shortened.
