BROKEN

I am learning my lesson not to hug a cactus, I am learning my lesson drowning in my own river of tears. How did we get here, to a place where toxic is so familiar, a place where my heart bleeds at your sight but at the same time, my body is craving for your touch.

How is it humanly possible, to hate and lust after the same person. How weak must have God created me dying to be in the hands of someone who shows me nothing but pain? Is this some twisted, practical joke? How could I possibly be made in God's image if I'm this pathetic?

When I think about it, you are the most consistent, commited teacher there is. You've been ruthlessly nailing these lessons on my thick skull, not caring whether I'm bleeding or crying.

It took a lot of other women coming into your life, taking a bite of that apple that I deluded myself is all mine, it took a thousand heartbreaks, buckets of tears and running back into walls decorated by thorns you made specifically for me. And even with your dedication, I still found excuses to give you all, I allowed my body to wiggle at your whisper. Maybe the word "Allow" shouldn't even be in my dictionary for you owned me and everything that I am; you still do just a little bit.